Head In The Sand

If I don’t see it or hear about it, it’s not happening! That’s been my tendency my whole life. It’s contradictory to my nature that is constantly seeking knowledge and always wanting to solve a mystery. I hate secrets. But, when it comes to a truth that will hurt my heart, I prefer to bury my head in the sand. It can be something as non-personal as starving children or animal abuse, something non-emotional like ignoring a responsibility, or the extremely personal things such as unrequited love or affection. If I don’t see it or hear it, it’s not happening and therefore can’t hurt me. Now imagine me shaking my head at myself. I know this is ridiculous.
Maybe this is what kept me in the adoption script fog for so long. Facing the trauma and the truth head-on is quite difficult. Why would I want to live in the pain? Well, I don’t want to live in the pain but what I’ve learned is that if I don’t recognize it I have no hope of moving beyond it. Ignoring it only makes it worse and manifests itself in different ways, such as attachment issues or anger management problems, and one thing is for sure, it just delays the inevitable consequences forcing you to deal with it after all.
My friend asked me just two weeks ago, how I can take action with my life if I’m not armed with the truth? She is so right. I can only protect myself if I know all the facts, both good and bad. Making decisions based on only good facts is setting myself up to fail, prolonging and intensifying the pain that comes from the bad. I’ve opened myself up to the negatives of my adoption in the last 4 years. The painful emotions are so intense because they’ve built up over 40 years. Hearing my fellow adoptee’s stories and watching movies and TV shows like “Finding Dory” and “This Is Us” is opening my eyes to so much trauma I never dealt with that the pain can feel like bricks sitting on my chest as I ugly cry so hard I get the worst headaches. But I get through it, I wash my face, go outside and feel the warm sun on my body, take in the beauty of the world around me and begin to count my blessings. The blessings are so much sweeter once I have let go of the pain of the moment; there are and will be more of those moments but it is a cleansing that allows me to see the good in a more vivid way.
No matter what your situation is, make sure you’re arming yourself with the truth to fight through it. Then enjoy the other side and know every battle is making you stronger.

Somewhere Out There…

Somewhere out there…. that was a running theme in my childhood. I felt a lot of internal angst as a child that I just didn’t know how to express so I kept it inside. I never cried to others because they wouldn’t understand why I was crying. Hell, I didn’t understand. If you’ve read my memoir, you’ll know that around12 or 13 is when I really rebelled against my mom. We did not/could not relate to each other. She had her quirks and would hurt my feelings unknowingly. I should’ve told her but I didn’t know how so I would hold it in or write in my diary about it. I felt so alone in those moments. It is also at age 12 that the movie, An American Tail, was released. As you may know, this is an animated film about a mouse family that emigrates to the US and their son gets lost and must find his way back home to reunite with his family. I actually don’t remember if I ever even watched the film but the song that was released with it, Somewhere Out There, deeply affected me. It became the theme song of my life. When I began to feel sad and alone, I would go outside, look up at the sky and sing that song to myself. “Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight, someone’s thinking of me, and loving me tonight”. God, it consumes my soul even now; remembering how I would sing that and think of my first mother. “Somewhere out there, someone’s saying a prayer that we’ll find one another, in that big somewhere out there”. I imagined in that moment that she was thinking of me, too. Like somehow, telepathically, she would feel a poke that would cause her to be thinking of me at the same time I was thinking of her. “And even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star, and when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby, it helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big sky”. I hoped and prayed that she missed me as much as I missed her. “Somewhere out there, if love can see us through, then we’ll be together, somewhere out there, out where dreams come true”. My dream came true when I found her 18 years after that song came out.
I never told a soul about this, before now.

Losing Again

My mother who adopted me and gave me her world passed away a few weeks ago. She gave me her undying and unconditional love, a secure and stable, disciplined home, a father and brother, a fun, extended family, opportunities to succeed, encouragement, physical and intangible gifts, and the tools to navigate life through its many challenges. My first mother (also my first loss) with blind faith trusted that I would fall into the right woman’s hands and I did.
My mom gave me so much but what did I give her? Guilt starts to speak to me and here is what it tells me: I was a bad daughter. I didn’t give her the same unconditional love she gave me. I was guarded and impatient. I was unappreciative and didn’t even try to understand her. I gave up on her.
We prepare for death and finality but we never are truly prepared. My mom had been sick for a long time but only in the last year did I really try to reconcile my feelings and give her comfort in our relationship. I still failed. I kept our conversations light and uninvolved. However, I told her all the time how much I loved her because at the end of the day, I really did love that woman. It didn’t matter how little we could relate to each other; I loved and respected her and I am grateful that I ended up in her arms.
As an adoptee, losing my mom has brought out intense emotions. It is a second loss of a mother. It is having wonderful memories as a child, it is loving my mom, it is being happy that she is no longer in pain, it is being thankful that I still have my first mother, and it is guilt. Adoptees losing their adoptive parents is hard because we have an added layer of complex emotions. We already lost one and now we lose another. I am so fortunate to have found my biological mother 11 year ago but having her and such a great relationship with her just adds to my guilt. I want to be able to enjoy still having a mother without taking away from how much love I have for my mom. But I’ve been fighting that battle for 11 years. An adoptee’s life is constant internal (and sometimes external) struggle between being happy without upsetting the delicate balance of keeping everyone else in your life happy. It’s not our job but we take it on anyway because the weight of the guilt is too heavy.
I will miss my mom; she loved her kids fiercely and unconditionally. Love you, mom. RIP Brenda Joyce Carter Williams.

The full-on dilemma of half siblings


As if the angst and turmoil and chaos of finding your biological parents isn’t enough, the confusion of how to approach half-siblings can send adoptees completely over the edge. Even in the most happiest of reunions, the relationship with the half sibling/s can be daunting and is always delicate. Through the eyes of the siblings you, the adoptee, are seen as the intruder, unknown and not to be trusted. You have come out of seemingly nowhere and with claims to be a significant part of the family unit. Significant, yet absent and unknown. It doesn’t seem to matter how the biological parent has approached it with their kids; the long lost family member is foreign and will uproot the family dynamic. This, of course, is for the lucky ones whose biological parent chooses to even acknowledge your existence and does not send legal letters telling you to cease and desist and continue to keep you a secret.
When adoptees take that leap of faith and reach out to their biological parent/s, we are usually given some amount of information from them and then they either open or shut the door.
When they open the door, we are allowed the chance to meet our siblings. How fantastic for us! These siblings are someone with whom we can connect on that level and most importantly, learn more about how it felt to be raised by the parent/s we could have had. We can learn if the parent was loving or stern, nurturing or hands-off, strict or lenient. Just because we learn their identities doesn’t mean we stop fantasizing… We will forever live in a world of “what-ifs”. In these open door situations, our siblings are either ecstatic about our existence and curious or they’re wary and distrust our purpose in being there. It takes very careful building of a relationship that will always be delicate, always. I have a half-brother on my biological mother’s side. He was initially very curious about me and I think a bit jealous, if I got a little too much attention from “his” parents. Fortunately, my biological mother would let me know how he was feeling and I was able to respect his feelings and simply give him time to get used to me. It was very useful to spend one on one time with him where we able to bond but boundaries were set, although unstated. It’s been 11 years, we get along great and I think that as long as he gets the most of his parents’ attention most of the time, we’re fine! We adoptees have to know our place… Reunion is a minefield – get to know your safe zones and you can thrive there.
In a shut door case, a biological parent has completely closed the door on the adoptee and can even be pretty cruel about it. It’s alarming how many adoptees have received letters from lawyers instructing them not to contact them or members of their family. Where does that leave us? Hurt, abandoned again, and still with lots of questions that are our basic right to know, such as medical history, heritage, and family members. Do you have any idea how many adoptees anguish over a decision to reach out to their siblings anyway? We have learned to never give up and we are determined to unmask ourselves as secrets. We exist and family members have a right to know that there is someone out there that shares their DNA. The siblings may be upset by it and may also deny contact but they deserve to know. They are adults and can decide for themselves how they want to handle it. We know what we’re in for, possibly yet another rejection, but we don’t give up and exercise the only control we have – our voices in letting people know we exist. It’s only fair. My biological father knows about me but doesn’t wish to know me. I’ve never spoken to him however, I know that I have two half sisters on his side. He has never told them, likely will never tell them, and meanwhile, I stalk their social media pages and wonder what kind of people they are and if they’d love to have another sister! I have two sisters out there who may share similar traits and personalities but left to him, I, and they, will never know. Oh yes, by the way, I am also an Aunt to one nephew on his side whom I may never get to know. I live life with the mantra that the more people you have in your heart the better your life will be. They may never know how much love I have to give.
We struggle with so much in being adopted, too many to count. We do not put this on ourselves, it was forced on us when we were adopted by a new family and forgotten by the first one. We have the same curiosity and human right to know where we came from as every other person on earth. It is not “our fault” if we go looking for something that is bound to be painful. We must, we HAVE TO KNOW, where we came from no matter what pain we find there. Knowing is better. Our half-siblings out there deserve to know, also. They may not like it and it might upset their family dynamic as they know it but they, and we, deserve to know. We have the right to use our voices and reach out to members of our family once they are adults. We are the biggest gamblers of all… and most of the time we bet everything on the possibility of relationships. Even losing is gaining because at least we know.
If you’ve had any experience, good or bad, with the half sibling dilemma, I’d love to hear from you.

Let Your Feelings Show, It’s OK

adoption vulnerable

I have a friend who is very open minded and curious about life and people. She is methodical in forming opinions and likes to gather all facts. I have talked to her often about adoption and what I’ve learned about the different sides of adoption, the less popular facts of how it affects the adoptee. I’ve talked to her about the myths and the realities. She has always listened with sympathy however, I could tell she really didn’t get it. I could see she really wanted to understand and became very curious about it but she really didn’t feel what I was telling her. So when I started watching Long Lost Family and saw just how raw and honest that show is surrounding adoption, I asked her to watch it. She became hooked.
After one episode, she “got it”. She started talking to me about adoption in my terms, with a deeper understanding, and became passionate about the injustices often incurred. We watch every week and confer about the cases they show. She has formed passionate opinions about how things should be. She has found our side and now doesn’t just sympathize…. she EMPATHIZES. What more could I ask for? Thank you Long Lost Family….. but wait… why was the show successful in making her understand when I had been trying for so long? I had to ask her.
She said that witnessing these people on the show baring their souls and explaining from their hearts is what made her understand the messy side of adoption. So I got my answer: I was talking cold hard facts without emotion. This surprised me and I had to really think about that. I thought back to all the times she and I had talked about it before. I watched myself explaining some things to her and I realize that she’s right. I talk a lot about it, talk about other people’s experiences and why things are wrong and need to be changed. I talk a lot. I don’t show her anything. I’m flat about it other than maybe a little anger. Wow. My number one cause that I’m wholly passionate about and one of my closest friends couldn’t see the emotion. How the hell does that happen? I’m a very emotional person; all I have to do is talk about one achievement of my daughter’s and my eyes well up with tears. If I think of a poor squirrel getting run over, I cry. I watch a sad movie, I cry. But somehow, when talking about my own adoption experience and the wrongs of the industry, I’m stoic and full of facts. Time to dig deep and figure this out because I don’t want this to be the case as I talk to others about this important cause. So I turn to my blog and write.
I was an emotional mess when writing my memoir but I was alone. When I’m alone I don’t have any trouble opening up so why am I putting on a stone face with others? I think I don’t want to be seen as weak. I want people to know that I can handle anything and am strong so that they can lean on me. Other people’s stories can make me cry and I believe that shows empathy however, if I cry about my own situations I see that as weak. I realize this is not healthy and I need to start opening up completely. I’ve noticed on social media (where no one fears anything) that when I’m open and raw I get so many reassuring and friendly responses. Being open is engaging and encourages others to open up, as well. There is nothing wrong with this and I need to carry the skill into my interpersonal relationships. I resolve to work on that even though it will be hard to even recognize when I’m doing it (or not doing it, as it were).
It’s not easy for me to be vulnerable because it feels unsafe and ineffective. However, my friend taught me that it’s just as important to show that vulnerability along with the facts because it more effectively tells the story. I have to do this or else I will not be successful in convincing others of the dangers and pitfalls of adoption in order to make it better. Because I do believe it can be better once the world sees the issues and we change the culture of adoption being a baby store and make it about putting children needs before our own. My story will help others but only if I show it as I tell it.

But Why?

Adoptee live love

I look back through my blog posts and watch myself go from being naive to aware to activist.Today I want to get back to why I started this blog; helping adoptees find peace and lead positive lives. I realize now this is not as simplistic as I once thought because of the many emotions and trauma that we have faced. No two stories are the same and that creates differences in opinion which sometimes causes arguments when at the end of the day, we should all be standing together. We are fractured and maybe we take out our anger, hurt, and fear on our brothers and sisters. Can we just do some soul searching and get to the root of our issues and stop deflecting? Stop debating other people’s opinions and start healing yourself.

I’m no therapist but I believe there is a root cause to pain and the effects of it are symptoms of that root cause. If you’re being self destructive or acting out against your friends and loved ones, those are symptoms of something deeper. For example, adoptees sometimes have difficulty with their relationships. Maybe the significant other goes out for the night and the adoptee gets very angry and lashes out causing a huge argument. That lashing out is a symptom of the adoptee’s severe trust issues due to a feeling of abandonment – the root issue. That is just one example of a symptom.
Another example is low self confidence. An adoptee may constantly fear being fired from their job or fear being broken up with because the adoptee feels they are not good enough for the people they’re with or the job they have. Let’s take the work example and imagine an adoptee who has little confidence and is too scared to try something because they feel they will fail and be humiliated. It then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy because fear keeps the adoptee from standing out with their abilities. This low confidence is a symptom of being relinquished. An adoptee may feel they weren’t good enough to keep causing symptoms from this root issue. I have written an article called “pressure of perfection” that relates to this root issue.
A technique I’ve learned to understand behavior is just a form of root cause analysis. It is simply asking “why” until you get to the answer that answers ALL the questions. That is the root causing all symptoms. Address the root and you can reduce or stop the symptoms. If you have a runny nose and watery eyes, the root cause is probably allergies. Allergies is the reason you have those symptoms. It’s the same with behavior. But for our situations, there may be several root issues or just one. It requires a lot of soul searching and being honest with yourself, which is sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do! I once wrote an article about pointing the finger at others for your problems or even their bad behavior but sometimes you have to look in the mirror and figure out just what it is that is making you upset or miserable. Finding the root is the first step and then it will be easier to get the help you need to be happier. It sounds easier said than done but it is possible.
I want everyone to be a happy and positive person. I want to help people figure out how to be all they can be for themselves (which of course makes you a better person for those around you). I’m not a therapist or expert but I know what works for me so I just share that in hopes that it works for someone else. I consider all adoptees my brothers and sisters and I’m here for you.

The Pressure of Perfection

adoptee love (3)

There are many adoptees, myself included, that feel the need to be the perfect adopted child who made the most of their “second chance”. The pregnant, often scared, mother has high expectations for you to have a perfect life. The adoptive parents, often oblivious, have high expectations for you to make them into a perfect family. And sadly, our expectations (the most simple expectation of going to our mother’s arms) are not met, certainly not immediately and oftentimes, never. We adapt, we learn, and some of us even find happiness in our new family. But we never outgrow that unstated expectation of perfection.

If you’re lucky, you were told of your adoption early on in your life…. but then told about how you were chosen and special. Being special means that you’re different and maybe even a little better than all the other children who were born naturally into their families. I don’t feel special, but my parents are telling me I am, so I have to make sure I’m being “special”. Some kids take that to meant that have to live up to something they don’t even understand. All children are special, please stop telling your adopted children that they’re special because they were adopted. Tell your adopted child how special they are because they were born and they will find out what specifically makes them special as they grow. Make it about their own attributes; don’t make it about being adopted. All children are special.
Adopted kids are also sometimes told how their adoption made the family complete and perfect. “We have the perfect family now that you’re here!” Message received: Wow, I’m here to make your family perfect. Outcome of message: The adopted child spends the rest of their lives trying to maintain that family perfection. When we don’t exactly feel like a piece of the family puzzle but are told we complete the puzzle, we start to get lost and lose ourselves in the process. I’m sure it is an unintended outcome but it is the outcome, nonetheless. Educate yourself; read the hundreds of adult adoptee blogs on the internet and come out of oblivion in to the light. Talk about how no family is perfect but you can’t imagine having your family any other way. Please stop telling your adopted child that their adoption into your family makes it perfect.
And then there’s the scared and alone mother whose sole reason for letting you go was to give you the perfect life; a life you could never have had if you had stayed with her. She is told and even imagines for herself a magical life for you. She tells herself this because she hopes it will ease her mind and help the pain. She is traumatized and the only hope, no matter how small, is that you will have untold opportunities and all your dreams will come true. She imagines you in a big and loving family, happy as you could ever be because they have the resources and the hearts to give you what she can’t. We are told, of course, all of that. The weight just got heavier. We must fulfill our mother’s wishes and be the happiest we could ever be and fulfill all of our dreams and have the perfect life… for her, we have to. Please stop telling your child that your mother wanted this perfect life for you. Just let them know how much she loves you no matter who you become. And on top of that, let them know YOU will love them no matter who they become.
The problem is we have no idea what we’re doing anymore than anyone else who isn’t adopted. We happen to be normal kids that make the usual mistakes, but we beat ourselves up more about it because we might not be living up to the expectations that were placed on us when we’re adopted. It really comes down to love. Just let us know how much we are loved even through our flaws because trust me we have flaws. We just need to know our mothers loved us even though they may have had issues they couldn’t overcome. We don’t need the candy coating on our adoption. We need to just be loved because the only perfection in this world, is love.

Not Just a Simple Piece of Paper

adoption open records


No matter how you feel about adoption, good or bad, I think all can agree that every individual born into this world has the right to their original birth certificate. In case you really don’t understand why this is so important and a basic human right, I’m going to break down the major elements of a birth certificate.
Do you know your name? Does what you know to be your name match what’s on your birth certificate? If it does, then you’re lucky. Many adoptees find a different name on their original birth certificates when it is finally released to them. What does that mean? Well it means someone (the woman who gave birth) cared enough to provide a name that meant something to them. It also means that someone else (adoptive parents) changed that name to something that meant something to THEM. The adoptive parents probably didn’t even know there was a name given. How does that dichotomy make one feel? Torn? Lied to? Betrayed? “Special”? Whatever the feeling is, it’s unique to each adoptee who finds themselves with two different names and not something anyone should have to face or deal with.
Birth Date:
Do you know your birth date? What if the date you always knew to be your birthday didn’t match what’s on your birth certificate? What if this happened to you and what does it mean? It means that someone was careless or even worse, it means someone deliberately lied about the actual day. It leaves adoptees wondering why something as simple as a birth date can’t even be recorded in honesty. It causes one to feel like they can’t trust anything or anyone when it comes to their history.
Mother of child:
Do you know your mother’s name? It would be pretty upsetting not to know who your mom is. Think about that and then think of the many adoptees who don’t know and will never know the name of their mother because it is locked away. Some would argue that your “mom” is whoever you want it to be. It’s the person who raised you and loved you, named you and birthed you from her heart. I agree that my “mom” is the one who raised me as her own. But I never forgot about the woman who was my mother; the one who raised me in her body, spoke to me and nurtured me for 9 months. Why am I expected to forget that she existed and that is my history? Maybe she’s not my “mom” but she is my mother, no question about that. So many people will never get to know the name of the mother of the child even though it is DNA, it is history, it is fact.
Father of child:
Do you know your father’s name? I could repeat the above paragraph in this one but it is a little different. Many, many adoptees will never know the name of their father because he is typically not named on the original birth certificate. Unless you find your mother and she is willing to tell you who your father is, you will likely never find out his name. This is common even with non-adoptees so I think more people can relate to the pain of not knowing the name of your father. Yes, I have a dad who raised me and I love him more than any other man on this earth but it doesn’t make my history and DNA just disappear like it never existed.
There are other elements of a birth certificate that are like pieces of a puzzle that tell a person where they came from and who they are like place of birth and whether or not there are other children born to the mother. I’m lucky in that my amended birth certificate kept my real location of birth so I always knew at least that. I at least knew where I was born and believe me I was very proud to have that bit of truth my whole life without having to fight for it. As for siblings, no one can deny how huge of a loss that is, as well. Not only is a baby losing their mother and family, they may also be losing brothers and/or sisters. Yes, we also gained a new family and that is a true blessing! However, the addition of a wonderful and loving new family does not negate the loss of the original family.
There are fun elements like time of birth that most adoptees will never have the privilege of knowing. You know how mothers like to call their children at their time of birth to say happy brithday? It’s simple and not a significant piece of information but if you don’t have it then it feels like a hole on your timeline. Just the simple fact of NOT knowing when I was born on my birthday makes me feel like no one cared. It makes me feel like the entire period of time when my mother began labor until I was whisked away to the nursery for adoption was inconsequential and that it didn’t matter. Well it did matter because it was my beginning to life and it mattered.
Keeping all of this information from an adoptee is just plain wrong. And can we all just really ask ourselves WHY… Why is it or was it important to lock away someone’s true history and replace it with a new one? It is admirable to adopt a child who needs a home so why hide any trace of the adoption? Whether it is an open or closed adoption or something in between, every person has the right to know where they come from and who created them. The original birth certificate holds the key to unlock the secrets of our past that should never have been locked in the first place. So you see, it is not just a simple piece of paper. It documents our existence and is the basis on which we build our truths with basic facts such as our name, when we were born, and who are our parents. This is the foundation on which our experiences and environment builds who we become. Knowing that we have different original parents that relinquished us only enhances our ability to grow and appreciate the second chance we were given.
So I ask you, whether you are adopted or not, to please fight for open records.

An Adoptee’s Poem

This is something I wrote tonight that is just me and about the raw emotion I often feel. I attribute it entirely to adoption; not because of any facts that tell me it’s because of adoption, but because I just know.

adoptee melancholy

Internal struggles

Feeling one way then another

At odds inside

Happy but melancholy

Battling that my whole life

Melancholy – but only for a moment

Then the moment is gone and I’m back.



Being happy is a journey

adoptee be happy

Being happy is a state of mind but getting to that state of mind is part of our journey. Everyone wants it but only a few have figured out how to get it. According to a Huffington Post article, a poll administered by Harris Poll found that only 1 in 3 Americans are very happy. Only 33% of our nation considers themselves satisfied and happy in their lives. What an interesting fact to consider. What would you say about yourself? I would love for this poll to focus on adoptees because I feel like the happy ones are silent and we don’t often get to hear how they have gotten to a happy state of mind. I am happy in my life overall; I am happy I was adopted, I feel joy in the family that I have found, and I am satisfied with every other aspect of my life at this moment. However, this is a state of mind that I constantly work at and overcome obstacles to maintain. Life would be very boring if I weren’t. It’s not easy to be happy but being happy and learning what it takes for me to be happy has made the hard work worth it. What are the secrets to happiness?
Stop depending on other people to make you happy. It is not their responsibility. They’re too busy trying to make themselves happy; why should they add you to their burden? It is 100% on you to focus on your own happiness and well-being. Imagine how it would feel while you’re struggling to be happy that someone else thinks its your job to make them happy! Who else knows better what you need than you?
I know that sounds easier said than done but here are some tips that could help you unlock the secrets, which are unique to each of us.
1) (This is my favorite tip.) You can’t change other people’s behavior, you can only change yours. If you’ve told someone over and over how their behavior is hurtful and they just can’t seem to stop then all you can do is change your behavior to effect the behavior you want from them. You know this person and how they react to situations so think about things you could do or say that would cause the reaction you want. Some call this manipulation but I call it looking out for myself. If someone isn’t giving you what you need then give it to yourself. I have cut people out of my life before on this principle. It was really hard and there was some pain associated but time heals all wounds and after it was said and done, I was much happier. I can’t change people’s behaviors, I can only change mine.
2) Don’t put unrealistic expectations on those around you. If you expect too much then they will fail you. I like to discuss expectations when forming relationships and continually talk about those expectations as they morph and evolve. Discussing what you want and need from your friends, spouse, kids, colleagues, etc… from the beginning will avoid surprises or complications down the road. Most importantly, the expectations are agreed upon so everyone is equipped to meet them. If someone isn’t meeting the expectations then they won’t be surprised by consequences.
3) Be ready to work hard and face fears. If you want something you have to be persistent and focused. It takes hard work and you have to conquer things like fear! Fear is the biggest obstacle to being happy! Some people fear meeting their biological family, some people fear making painful decisions even though they have to in order to be happy, and some people fear rejection. These fears plus all others will keep you from reaching your true potential in life. Be fearless and you’ll be happy.
4) Be flexible in your life. You can’t control everything around you so be ready to suddenly change course. It’s good to always have a black up plan in case something isn’t working out the way you want it to. It’s so important to not dwell on the bad things that happen out of your control rather to focus on rising above it and coming out on top. Reach out to experts or someone who has done it before for support. You have to accept changes and not take them personally.
5) Surround yourself with people who understand and appreciate you for who you are. The rest of them are expendable and bring no value to your life. Know who truly cares about you and nurture those relationships and let the others fade off. You will be a much happier person with the right people in your life.
None of this is new or groundbreaking and can probably be found on any “life coach” website or Tony Robbins seminar but I think we just need to be reminded sometimes how to be happy. It’s on us, no one else, and nothing feels better when you’ve gotten yourself to this great place. But remember it must be constantly maintained and evaluated. Give yourself the chance to be happy! Open your mind and your spirit will elevate you. xoxo
HuffPost article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/01/happiness-index-only-1-in_n_3354524.html

Where We Are Today Is Where Our Minds Put Us