When it comes to relationships, we have an expectation of who and what we deserve. Who you are and the experiences you’ve had is actually driving those expectations. If you grew up privileged, perhaps even spoiled with material things, then you may have very specific and possibly even unrealistic expectations of other people. Spoiled people are given every material thing they could ever dream of but don’t realize putting material-based expectations on humans is unfair and will lead to disappointment. You’ve met these people…their list of required qualities in a partner is typically very long and they won’t accept anything less than someone with every single quality they desire. There’s nothing wrong with believing you deserve the best, believe me… but it’s that definition of “best” that can skew the results. At the other end of the spectrum are those people who set very low expectations, not believing they deserve anything better. Those people may have grown up with very little love or sense of belonging or abandonment (adoptees, sound familiar?). These people’s list of qualities they desire in a partner is non-existent. They typically get into unfulfilling relationships and are too scared to let their partner go because they just can’t believe anything better will come their way. This is the category I’ve always found myself in, accepting less than I deserve because i’m terrified there won’t be anyone else. So there are people who believe they deserve the perfect person (a phantom person) and then those of us who don’t believe we even deserve a good person (low expectations). Somewhere between that phantom person and low expectations is the sweet spot. Life is all about balance. Going to an extreme is not good in any situation. Finding that sweet spot is so difficult and takes a lot of soul seeking and encouragement. I do recommend making a list of must-haves in your next partner but keep it short! It should be 4-5 qualities that all must be met. You can also have a slightly longer list of nice-to-haves but you cannot insist that those all be met; even having just 1 or 2 of those is plenty. You must not be scared that person doesn’t exist because he/she does exist but you have to have patience and most of all, you have to believe you deserve it. You are worth it.