There she is, my beautiful biological grandmother. I have to admit, up until my last birthday, I had not really given her a lot of thought even though she is the one who decided on and planned my adoption. I guess after meeting my birth mother and getting the whole story surrounding my conception, birth and adoption, I didn’t question it any further. I took it as-is and then just focused on getting to know her and my “new” family. On my last birthday, I received a Facebook message from a family member that spun my head. I did write about that message and how I felt in December last year, if you’re interested. Unfortunately, I had always just envisioned her as a somewhat cold and regimented person who didn’t want my birth mother to suffer at the hands of a cruel society in the 1970’s, especially in the deep south where cotillions and wealth ruled the classes. I never imagined that she ever really lamented the long lost baby so when I found out otherwise, it sent me reeling. I shifted my focus onto this, not necessarily because I wanted to, but I couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head. I now knew that she had thought of me a lot but had she really wanted me to be adopted? Did she ever regret making that decision? What was her demeanor while her daughter was pregnant with me? Was she sad after the adoption? What were her true feelings?? The last time I went to visit my biological family, I started questioning my birth mother and her sisters. Although I did get a little more insight into my grandmother (who passed one year before I found my birth family), I was still left to wonder about her truest feelings throughout the trauma that is adoption. I have given it much thought and careful consideration and I truly believe that she was doing what was best for everyone involved and she likely never regretted it. I think that she knew how things would be for me had I not been relinquished and wanted with all her heart a better life for me. I know now she was a very caring, yet strong, woman. I would like to think I got a lot that from her. I think she is looking down on me, extremely proud of the life I was given, and loving me, just as she did then. Thank you, my beautiful grandmother.